5 Reasons Why A Rebound Relationship May Be Just What You Need

Guest Post by Terry Gaspard

As a newly divorced woman with two school age children, I plunged into a rebound relationship with someone who provided solace, companionship, and emotional and sexual intimacy. Since neither one of us had healed sufficiently from our recent divorces, the relationship ended after six months.

While we weren’t ready for a commitment, my ex-boyfriend helped me overcome my challenging divorce and gave me self-confidence. This relationship helped me to get over my anger at my ex-spouse and move on with my life. It was a good opportunity for me to test out dating someone very different from my ex and allowed me to have fun and feel passion.

Truth be told, most experts believe that if you are newly divorced, you probably aren’t ready to leap headlong into a romantic relationship. The chance of a rebound relationship having long-term potential is slim because it will take time for you to heal from your breakup so that you don’t bring baggage into your new relationship.

However, even though here are many reasons why rebound relationships rarely last, they can serve a purpose. There are certain situations when dating soon after divorce can be beneficial.

In my case, my rebound relationship was a reminder that I was desirable and capable of having passionate feelings that had been dormant for many years. What I learned was that it was okay to let go of my past; and give myself the pleasure and joy of new love.

On the down side, while most rebound relationships don’t do any permanent harm, they can postpone the recovery process. In other words, escaping by means of a rebound relationship can prevent you from gaining self-awareness about the reasons your marriage ended and the lessons you need to learn from it.

Consequently, getting involved in a rebound relationship can be a risky proposition. If you’re feeling lonely after divorce, it’s easy to fall for someone before you’re truly ready to begin dating again. It makes sense to explore the reasons why rebound relationships should be avoided. On the other hand, dating several different people casually can give you the opportunity to figure out what type of partner you need to thrive.

Trying out new relationships can be less risky if both partners are honest with each other about their goals; and don’t see the partnership as long-term. If you decide to start dating within the first year after your divorce, do your best to have an open conversation with your new partner about your objectives and attempt to have realistic expectations of yourself and others.

5 reasons why a rebound relationship may be right for you:

It can help you ease the transition from married to single life. But it’s only true if both parties go into the relationship with realistic expectations – knowing the boundaries and the other person’s intentions.
It can provide solace, companionship, and intimacy. Newly separated and divorced people are usually feeling pretty lonely so you’re probably not ready to engage in a long-term relationship. But a fling may be just what you need to help you recover.
It can help you select a partner who is a good match for you. Many people end up picking a partner who has similar characteristics to their ex-spouse. Consequently, you may need to date several people before you find someone who is a good match for you. You can also figure out what you don’t want.
It can give you self-confidence and help you feel more desirable. A breakup can temporarily damage yourself-esteemand it’s important to build your confidence before you enter a committed relationship again.
Sometimes a rebound relationship works out! In certain cases, especially if you are over 30 and know what you want, a rebound relationship may be fertile ground for a successful long-term relationship.

Some experts would argue that a rebound relationship is a good way to give the newly divorced person a boost of endorphins (to elevate their mood) and to increase their self-esteem. Further, a new relationship can help someone cope with a variety of emotions including confusion, anxiety, anger, regret, betrayal, and sadness.

If you go into a rebound relationship with your eyes wide open, you stand a better chance of recovering more quickly if it ends badly. You’re also less likely to repeat any dating disasters. Being cautious as you proceed into the dating world post-divorce will serve you well in the long-run!

Follow Terry on Twitter, Facebook, and, movingpastdivorce.com. Terry’s award-winning book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship is available on her website.

4 Crucial Steps To Transforming Your Life After Divorce!

July 27, 2019Written by Rosalind Sedacca

4 Crucial Steps To Transforming Your life after divorce!

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC

Divorce is always a life-altering experience. But it doesn’t have to be all negative. For many it’s a time of personal self-discovery. For others, a self-made prison of depression and resentment.

What makes the difference is our acceptance of what is and our ability to use the divorce as a stepping stone to a new and better life. The bottom line: it’s all up to us. We can generate an attitude of positive expectation or we can choose instead a life filled with the pain of self-pity and despair.

The real challenge: changing our attitude or perspective on life is not a simple task. But if you take consistent steps in that direction, you’ll create the foundation for a happier future — both for yourself and the children you love.

Start by focusing your attention on these 4 Steps to transforming your life toward a brighter future. You’ll never regret it.

Heighten your levels of self-esteem.

Don’t let divorce take its toll on your self-esteem, especially if you didn’t choose the breakup of your marriage. Feeling rejected, abused or like a helpless victim undermines your value. It’s a mindset that can keep you from moving on after divorce to a new and more rewarding reality. No one can take your pride and confidence from you. You must decide for yourself that you’re ready to create a better life by embracing the possibilities ahead. Choose to make pro-active decisions, seek out new supportive friends, engage your energy in fulfilling activities. Are there parts of yourself that were dormant during your marriage? Now’s the time to tap into those attributes or interests and let them soar. Your children will benefit from watching you re-discover who you are. Better still, they’ll see you as a positive role model as you tackle life challenges.

Use your divorce as a gift to yourself.

The greatest lesson in self-awareness comes from finding the answers to key life questions: What went wrong – and why? What part did I play in the break-up of my marriage? If I had responded earlier to red flag warnings might I have changed the outcome, reduced the pain, put us back on track or better protected me and the kids? These are hard questions to answer. It can be helpful to find a therapist, coach or support group to guide you in finding meaningful insights. Be careful that you don’t get stuck on your regrets. This is your gift. Find the lessons you can learn now. They will become the catalyst to help you move ahead with more confidence in creating that happier future.

Experience the blessings that come with forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not for or about the other person. It releases you from the pain of staying bound up in the past. Blaming yourself or your former spouse does nothing toward improving your life. Instead, it keeps you from really enjoying today – as well as tomorrow. Understanding the gift of forgiveness is a huge step forward. It may require reaching out for professional help in letting go, moving on and understanding the incredible value of forgiveness as a positive tool for self-empowerment. Remember, forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning the pain you experienced in the past. It means you’re no longer letting it hurt you any more! So forgiving your former spouse is about breaking the emotional cords that have held you hostage to old hurts and memories. It frees you to make healthy new connections — and that’s the path to creating brighter tomorrows!

Revise your expectations about healthy relationships.

What have you learned about relationship success? Did you originally choose the right marriage partner? Or had you accepted or settled for less than you imagined? Did you have unrealistic expectations about the realities of a committed relationship? Do you now have different requirements for a love partner in terms of interests, values or goals? Successful relationships require skill in communicating, resolving conflict, and a multitude of other challenges. It’s even more complicated when children are involved. Before stepping out into the singles-dating arena, do your homework. Learn about who you really are, what you can give and what you need in return to create a fulfilling intimate relationship that works. Give yourself the time. Get the professional support you may need. Do it right — for you and your children! Your future lies ahead. Make it one you desire – and deserve!

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Rosalind Sedacca, CDC is aDivorce & Co-Parenting Coach, founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network as well as a Dating After Divorce Mentor. For her free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting: Success Strategies for Getting It Right, plus and other valuable resources for parents, visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com. Click the COACHING button to learn more about Rosalind’s co-parenting courses and Coaching services. For Dating and Relationship Success, visit www.womendatingafter40.com, www.womendatingrescue.comor www.mensdatingformula.com.