5 Steps To A Brighter Future After Divorce!

October 20, 2018Written by Rosalind Sedacca

parenting after divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC

Accepting the reality and finality of divorce can be a tough challenge. We need to be able to let go of the life we knew and prepare to face an unknown future. That can be intimidating. Here are 5 key steps to accepting your new reality with grace, peace and positive expectations for a happier life ahead, especially if you’re also a parent!

1) Focus on yourself — not on your former spouse

We can’t ever undo the past. But the past can undo us — if we’re not careful about our thoughts, beliefs and actions. The only one we can ever change is ourselves. Don’t waste valuable time pining about the past, blaming your ex or wishing you had done something differently. Focus instead on how you can transform yourself today into the person you most want to be, with confidence and high self-esteem. When you shift from within, things on the outside will shift as well. Only then can you choose to make healthier decisions about your life and your future new life partner.

2) Seek out the support you need

Tough times demand support systems if we want to progress into the next stage in our lives. Recovering from the wounds of divorce is not something to tackle alone. Reach out for a coach, therapist, support group or member of the clergy experienced in this work. It will accelerate your progress while boosting your self-esteem at the same time. There is no shame in needing support. The world’s top athletes, entrepreneurs, actors and others all depend on coaches to achieve greater success!

3) Accept that this is a process

Feeling angry, depressed, embarrassed, hurt or other negative emotions is a natural part of the grieving and moving on process after divorce. Accept your feelings and look for the lessons you’ve learned through your marriage and divorce. These can be gifts you can use when you’re ready to move ahead and step out into your new reality. If you’re feeling stuck in any emotion and can’t let go, reach out for the help you need from an experienced professional. Remember, you’re not alone, so don’t isolate yourself or stay immersed in your pain.

4) Take responsibility for the part you played

It’s easy to feel like a victim in your divorce and put all the blame on your former spouse. But that keeps you stuck in a place without growth. Before you can move beyond your divorce you have to “own” the role you played in the marriage as well as the insights you can take away to use in the months ahead. When we take responsibility for experiences in our lives we have the power to make positive changes – and that’s essential for creating the brighter future we all desire and deserve.

5) Remember you are a role model for your children

Regardless of whether they acknowledge it or not, your children are watching and learning from you through lessons both good and bad. What are you teaching them about how to recover from a challenge in life? What are they learning about how to deal with conflict and difficult people around you? What lessons are they getting about taking responsibility for your life and your actions? What are you modeling about being a victim versus becoming victorious, despite tough times? Your children will thank you for being a mature, responsible parent and showing them how to overcome challenging situations. Step up and BE the parent they need now and in the future!

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Rosalind Sedacca, CDC is a Divorce & Co-Parenting Coach and Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network. She is author of the internationally acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children – With Love! Her free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting, free articles, free ezine and other valuable resources on divorce and parenting issues are all available at http://www.childcentereddivorce.com.

Divorcing Parents – Think Twice Before Going to Court

January 3, 2019Written by Rosalind Sedacca

Parents Fighting Around Kids After Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC

When famous celebrities like Mel Gibson, Denise Richards, Halle Berry and others battle through a divorce, the stakes are high. Millions of dollars are often in contention, blurring issues related to child-custody and visitation. These couples hire “killer” attorneys and commit to paying an enormous price — which includes not only hefty legal fees, but a tremendous time expenditure and emotional toll.

Too many non-celebrity couples facing divorce blindly choose this same path – often without considering the reality of all the costs involved. They do not have the revenue to maintain ongoing litigation in the courts. Nor do they have a game plan for putting together the pieces of their shattered family after the legal battles are finally over.

Sadly they come to realize that celebrities are usually poor role models. They don’t necessarily make the wisest decisions regarding their children’s best interest as they move through and beyond divorce.

Litigation doesn’t lead to positive outcomes.

It’s easy to forget that divorce litigation is really a luxury, not a necessity. And it’s often a luxury that results in material success at the cost of familial success. Not only is fighting expensive, it’s often more about ego than concern for the best interest of your kids. The money spent in court fighting over details could instead be used for living expenses or savings toward your child’s education. Those same issues could just as easily have been resolved through mediation – and at a much lower price.

Too often the only real winners in family courts are the two divorce attorneys. When you are paid by the hour to keep your client in the ring, it’s unlikely that peaceful resolution is a strong motivator. So it’s go for the jugular – and then let Mom and Dad pick up the broken chards of their lives while creating a workable plan for co-parenting the innocent children waiting on the sidelines.

When emotions are strained between two parents it’s hard to think about cooperation, let alone aligning yourself with one another co-parent on behalf of your children. That’s when an objective party needs to add some sanity and clarity to the mix.

Trust your own parenting skills when co-parenting.

Parents need to be reminded that no one knows your children better than both of you. Do you really want a stranger deciding the fate of your children – or the outcome of how much time you get to be with them? Is it worth the gamble to put your family’s future in the hands of an overworked family court judge?

Wouldn’t the advice of professional counselors, mediators, coaches or collaborative divorce attorneys – all child-advocates who work toward finding long-term resolutions that work for everyone in the family – be a wiser (and more cost-effective) choice?

How do you think your children want Mom and Dad to handle decisions affecting their family after divorce? What will you say to them when they are grown adults and question your choices? Are litigation battles really in your family’s best interest? Think long and hard before you answer. Your children will thank you!

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Rosalind Sedacca, CDC is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, a Divorce & Co-Parenting Coach and author of the acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — With Love!To get her free ebook, coaching services, expert interviews, programs, e-courses and other valuable resources on divorce and co-parenting, visit: http://www.childcentereddivorce.com

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