3 Keys To Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem After Divorce

3 Keys To Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem After Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC

Divorce catches kids in the middle

Divorce catches kids in the middle

Divorce can be devastating on many levels. In addition to the financial and stress toll on both partners, it can easily wreak havoc on one’s self-esteem. Even those who initiate the divorce process can experience tremendous emotional turmoil resulting in guilt, anxiety and insecurity. Those who were not expecting or in any way desiring the break-up can come away feeling psychologically battered, confused and questioning their own worth.

It’s hard to tackle these burdens alone. A support group, personal divorce coach, professional counselor or other similar resources will be very valuable in reminding you that 1) you are not alone in your experiences or feelings and 2) there is a brighter future ahead for you – if you take proactive steps in that direction.

While family and friends are usually very well-intentioned, their support may not always be valuable for you. They have their own agendas, perspectives and values about marriage, family and divorce. What you most need at this difficult time is a support system that is dispassionate, compassionate and knowledgeable about responsible behaviors that will move you into a more positive chapter in your life.

Here are a few suggestions to guide you in boosting your self-esteem during the divorce and its aftermath.

Be committed to releasing the past:

Moving on is all about mind-set. If you stay stuck in reliving and clinging to what no longer is your reality, you will not open the door to the next chapter in your life. There will be better, brighter days ahead – if you allow that awareness into your experience. Make space in your life for new friends, relationships, career options and fulfilling activities. Look for and expect new opportunities in new places. See the future as a positive beginning for you and your children. You’ll be pleasantly surprised about what you can create when you anticipate good things ahead.

Choose your company wisely:

We can’t easily change other people, but we can change the company we associate with. If your social group isn’t supportive of you, or tends to wallow in self-pity, realize you have a choice in your life about who you’re spending time with. Choose instead: aware, introspective people who accept responsibility for their own behavior and proactively move ahead in transforming their lives.

Move out of the blame game and put yourself in the company of positive people with high self-esteem who can appreciate you, with all your assets and baggage, as the wonderful person you are. You may find these people where you least expect them. So step out of your comfort zone – and be receptive to new friends and new experiences.

Be Flexible about Change

Life is always filled with changes, not just during divorce. Get comfortable with the unknowns ahead and accept that change is inevitable. While dark periods are tough to handle, realize they too will fall away and be replaced with better days and new relationships. Listen to your self-talk. Let go of limiting beliefs about yourself.

When you catch yourself in doubt, fear or put-down language, become aware of that message and consciously refute it. I am a worthy parent. I will attract a new loving partner. I deserve to be happy in my relationships. My children love me and know how much I love them.

Determine what you want to change about yourself from within and relax about controlling circumstances around you. When you come to accept the reality of changes in your life, you’ll feel more at peace with yourself and those around you.

Life is all about choices and decisions. Use your divorce as a catalyst for positive change. Choose to be the person and parent you most want to be. Then watch how circumstances around you settle into place more harmoniously than you ever expected.

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Rosalind Sedacca, CDC is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, a Divorce & Co-Parenting Coach and author of numerous books and e-courses on divorcing with children and co-parenting successfully. For instant download of her FREE EBOOK on Doing Co-Parenting Right: Success Strategies For Avoiding Painful Mistakes! go to: childcentereddivorce.com/book

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© Rosalind Sedacca  All rights reserved.

Divorced Parent Coping With Stress? Self-care Is Essential!

Divorced Parent Coping With Stress? Self-care Is Essential!

Anger-Conflict Programs

By Rosalind Sedacca, CDC

There are days – yes, weeks and months – when life can seem awfully low. Often overbearing. The weight can seem just too much to carry. Life challenges related to divorce frequently play a part in these circumstances. And when you’re a divorced parent at the same time … well, you know how it feels!

Just know, as well, that you’re not alone. Parenting is tough for everyone, even under the best of circumstances. Parenting through and beyond divorce takes enormous focus and a continuous need for compassion, both for yourself and your children. If you take it day by day, you will find the strength and even the wisdom to make decisions that tap into your innate wisdom and love for your children.

But it’s also essential to parent and nurture yourself at the same time. Take a tip from the airlines when they instruct you to put your oxygen mask on first before providing oxygen to your children. You need to be alert and functioning well before you can make decisions on behalf of the children who matter so deeply to you.

Reach out for support!

So get the help you need to recharge, de-stress and unwind from time to time. Share your frustrations with a caring friend, relative or a compassionate coach who specializes in divorce issues. Join a support group for divorced parents. Reach out to churches, temples or other spiritual resources that empower you. Treat yourself to a massage, concert, evening out, weekend away from the kids or other activity that energizes your psyche. Don’t overlook the value of daily meditation and exercise practices to help you cope with stress and anxiety.

Self-care nurtures the mind and body!

Don’t suffer, brood or bare it alone. We all need help, support and encouragement from an outside source that we respect. We can’t always give it to ourselves – but we can and must let others know when we need a shoulder to cry on, a babysitter for an occasional indulgence or a team of reinforcement when the burden of moving on feels too heavy.

And keep this in mind. Sometimes all you need is to take care of yourself for a few hours or a few days – and you’ll have the clearer perspective you need to make sound decisions on behalf of your children. Whether you’re a divorced co-parent or single parent, remember your first obligation is to parent yourself with loving compassion. Your family will thank you!

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Rosalind Sedacca, CDC is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network, a Divorce & Co-Parenting Coach and author of numerous books and e-courses on divorcing with children and co-parenting successfully. For instant download of her FREE EBOOK onDoing Co-Parenting Right: Success Strategies For Avoiding Painful Mistakes! go to: childcentereddivorce.com/book

Please share this article on social media!

© Rosalind Sedacca   All rights reserved.